More Sympathy GiftsThe Moment After: Surviving Pet Loss
by Moira Anderson Allen, M.Ed.
The world has just ended. Your pet -- your friend, your confidante, the companion who was always there for you -- has died. Dog, cat, horse, bird, hamster, ferret -- species doesn't matter. Age doesn't matter. All that matters is the huge hole that has just entered your life. That, and the grief.
Conventional wisdom suggests that I devote this column -- call it "the moment after" column -- to tips on how to start feeling better. But if your pet has died within the past few hours or days, you may not be able to even imagine feeling better. You may be wondering how you can even survive. You may also not WANT to feel better. Painful as it is, that ragged, miserable hole may seem all you have left of your pet, and you may not want to get rid of it just yet. The thought of "feeling better" too quickly may actually seem disrespectful. You may feel that you owe your pet a period of grief, of pain. "Feeling better" may seem a lot like "letting go," and you may not be ready to do that yet.
Grief and mourning aren't some sort of awkward, embarrassing mental lapses that should be "gotten over" or "healed" as soon as possible.
That's OK. Grief and mourning aren't some sort of awkward, embarrassing mental lapses that should be "gotten over" or "healed" as soon as possible. In reality, grief is our final expression of love, the last gift we have to offer. It isn't to be rushed. Instead of trying to "get over it," we must find ways to "get through it" -- and that can take awhile.
So, for this first column, I'm not going to talk about how to "heal." I'm going to talk about how to SURVIVE.
