Throughout her illness, Katie had remained upbeat, documenting her experience through blog posts and photos, although the pain was sometimes excruciating. Karen Reider, Katie’s partner of 10 years, stood faithfully by and encouraged Katie to fight. Although doctors warned there would be no cure for Katie, Karen told her – and believed – that the cancer was something they just had to get through, that they would, indeed, get through it together, and that the best of life was yet to come.

When Karen received a phone call in late June telling her that Katie’s tumor was “97% gone,” she was ecstatic but not surprised. This was the result she had been waiting for. Tragically, however, the cancer claimed Katie’s life a mere 16 days later, and when death struck, Karen’s world came crashing down.

Picking up the pieces
Compounding the tragedy of Katie’s death were the two young sons she left behind. As a now-single parent, Karen faced the unimaginable responsibility of caring for her sons while trying to find her own path through grief. Three months after Katie’s death, Karen started to blog. She described the early months of her bereavement in vignettes all too familiar to those who have been there: losing her keys, her wallet, her memory; once-close friends who never call, and more casual friends whose unwavering support she came to rely on.

Grief is a complex emotional response to loss, and each person’s experience of grief is unique. By the end of October, Karen concluded that admonitions to avoid major decisions for a year and other grief-by-number tips were “a bunch of bunk.” She wrote in her blog:

…never in my life have I found myself more open or with these thoughts, feelings, inspirations..and so I say WHY NOT?  Why surpress these fresh ideas when I’m MOST willing to act on them, to live in ways I’ve never imagined, always dreamed…maybe I’m far off..and I welcome your thoughts but I tell you again MEDIOCRITY is NOT FOR ME..I will not settle.

People to see, lessons to learn
How, then, would Karen and her sons navigate through their grief? By hitting the road. Five months after Katie’s death, Karen quit her job as a pricing analyst at BMW, gave away or sold many of her possessions, and left the New Jersey apartment she and Katie called home. She bought a blue 2006 Honda Odyssey, packed up 4-year-old Aiden and 2-year-old Koen, three suitcases, bins of toys and books, and a small high-definition video camera.

This was something Karen and Katie had always wanted to do together; Karen put a black-and-white photo of Katie in one of the van’s visors and clipped Katie’s glasses to the other, and she and her sons set off to travel the country, visiting friends and family and seeing the sights along the way. Recently Karen told an interviewer that, although she will never understand why Karen was taken so young and so tragically, “What I know is that it happened for a reason, and that I have to live in a spectacular way in honor of her suffering so greatly. I can’t just shrivel up and die. I have to do something great.”

As the first anniversary of Katie’s death approaches, Karen and her sons have traveled to Florida, Louisiana, New Mexico, Texas, Arizona, California, and Ohio. She has shot hours of video (http://www.youtube.com/noretakes), which she uploads for Cincinnati filmmaker Robert Parish, producer of the documentary show “In the Tank,” to edit and post on YouTube. Through her blog, she’s been a source of inspiration and strength to countless readers. And on her journey, Karen has rediscovered the things that are most important to her: “What I’m going to take with me at the end is my memories and my experiences, not my things,” she says.