How a child views the death of a parent
When a parent dies, a child’s sense of security and survival is threatened. The child is suddenly forced to deal with issues of illness, mortality and life after death – issues even adults find hard to face – long before they’ve had a chance to acquire the coping methods they’ll learn throughout life. As adults, we want to support and nurture the grieving child, but where do we begin?

A child’s grief is different
Dr. Cynthia L. Long (formerly Cynthia Long Lasher) – a Lutheran minister and grief specialist – reminds us that children grieve differently than adults. “Children grieve in spurts,” observes Dr. Long. “It’s a blessing, because to endure a terrible loss with no relief would just be too much for a child.” For instance, she’s found that playing helps children deal with their pain in a way that’s familiar to them, “sort of rationing out their pain by focusing on something else for a while.”

In her book, Death is No Stranger: Helping Children Grieve, Dr. Long offers practical strategies for guiding children through their grief. Among them:

• Avoid euphemisms. Talk to the child gently, in clear, direct language.
• Avoid use of the word “should.” Don’t say, “You should be happy,” or “You shouldn’t cry.” Such admonitions aren’t helpful for grieving children or adults.
• Allow children to be sad. “They desperately need someone to talk to about what they’re feeling, rather than making them feel they’re ‘wrong’ somehow,” says Dr. Long.

Resources to help children cope with grief
For more resources to help children cope with grief, contact your local hospice or pediatrician’s office, and visit the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center website, where you’ll find a recommended reading list of children’s books about grief.

Source: NewsVirginian.com

The kindness of strangers
Paul Betts, a former highway designer, heard a radio report last year about the increasing number of unclaimed bodies resulting from the recession. Perhaps the deceased were estranged from loved ones, or perhaps families lacked the funds to provide a proper funeral. Betts understood that Wayne County had a contract with a local funeral home to bury the dead, but the fact that no one was present to mourn their passing troubled him deeply.

A call to the county coroner put Betts in touch with Bill Kiesgen, the funeral director at Perry Funeral Home. The state and county pay the funeral home $700 per cremation or burial, and the funeral home splits the fee with the cemetery. Together, Betts and Kiesgen devised a plan to hold a monthly  prayer service for the deceased who have no one else to pray for them. As Betts saw it, “We’ve got a lot of abandoned buildings we can’t do anything about. Abandoned people, we can at least pray for.”

Although the Unclaimed Friends services, held on the third Wednesday of every month, are open to everyone, most of those who attend are members of the Episcopal parish where Betts is a member. Kiesgen supplies a white rose for each of the deceased – in March, there were 24 white roses – and Betts gives a metal angel to each of the guests. One by one, the names of the deceased are read aloud, and mourners respond, “May he (or she) rest in peace.”

Everyone deserves a farewell
“Everyone deserves some sort of a farewell,” according to Kiesgen, who doesn’t judge the families of the deceased, reasoning that they may have faced a choice of whether to feed their living members or bury the one who died.

Following the service, Betts encourages the guests to pass their angels and roses on to others with a request that they, too, pray for the stranger whose name is on the rose. He thanks everyone for coming and expresses his hope that by participating in the service, they have made Detroit a little kinder place.

Affordable Cremation Urns

The funeral business has always been considered recession-proof. Everyone dies eventually, after all, guaranteeing an endless customer base. And, with the rapid aging of the ubiquitous baby boom generation, the demand for funeral goods and services is sure to rise in the coming years. But demand is only part of the equation; today, more and more families are opting out of the expensive frills that escalate funeral costs.

Only “the best” for your loved one
I was 25 when my father-in-law died suddenly, and although I had no experience in such matters, I was designated to make arrangements. I recall the funeral director steering toward a high-end casket and describing the $10,000 funeral that went with it. “Surely, you’ll want the best for your father?” he said.

A faint smile crossed my lips; not only was my name not Shirley, but this funeral director obviously didn’t know Jack (which happened to be the name of my father-in-law). Jack would drive halfway across town to save a penny on a gallon of gas. When I went shopping – for groceries, clothing, or whatever – Jack, who virtually lived with my family, would ask how much I paid for a given item, eagerly waiting for my reply before he gleefully told me what a sap I was and where I could have gotten it cheaper. A thrifty but lovable curmudgeon, that Jack.

“Can we see something more affordable, please?” I replied. “Best,” after all, is in the eye of the beholder.

Affordable Cremation Urns

Consumers demand flexible, lower-cost funerals
That was many years ago, long before the global recession of the early 21st century. Bargain shopping for funeral goods and services wasn’t yet in vogue, but the lessons I gleaned from that experience made it easier for me to assist my own parents in planning their funerals a decade later.

Today, many factors have influenced the shift in the way we approach funerals. The Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule requires full price disclosure by providers of funeral goods and services, and allows families to choose only those items they want and need. And savvy, cash-strapped consumers are opting not only for “the best,” but also simplicity and cost savings.

Funeral service providers who get it are stepping up to offer discounted goods and services, and they’re thriving as a result. Take Newcomer Funeral Homes in Topeka, Kansas for example. Newcomer, where a casketed funeral costs just $4,000, saw a 10 percent increase in business in 2008. And Barton Family Funeral Service near Seattle charges just $695 for a cremation; they’ve watched their business double every year since 2005, to a point where they’re conducting around 140 funerals a month – more than some traditional funeral homes see in a year.

Practical suggestions for cutting funeral costs
Opting for cremation over burial is just one way families are reducing funeral expenses. Following are some suggestions we’ve heard for having “the best” funeral with the lowest cost:

• Let your fingers do the walking. Call around to funeral homes and ask for their price lists.
• Be wary of package pricing. Choose only the specific goods and services you want and need.
• Buy a casket from a discount supplier. The funeral home is obligated to use the casket you provide, and they can’t charge an added fee for doing so.
• Go natural. Embalming and leak-proof caskets are unnecessary expenses in most circumstances. “Green” funerals are friendly to the environment and the wallet.
• Let the funeral home conduct the burial or cremation, but hold a memorial service at home or in a peaceful outdoor setting.
• Ask friends and family to help with funeral details, from selecting a musical playlist to purchasing flowers to creating a program for guests. You’ll avoid extra charges for these services, and the funeral or memorial service will be far more personal and meaningful.