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Grief at Work
When a coworker returns to work after taking bereavement leave, what's the best way to react to their presence? Should you make a big deal out of it or awkwardly pretend nothing happened and everything is normal? The answer for dealing with grief at work lies somewhere in between.
Tips for Coping with Grief at Work
The first thing to remember is that everyone works through grief differently, and depending on whom they lost, the same person may grieve their loved ones in diverse ways. For example, the sudden loss of a sibling can feel different from the expected loss of a grandparent. The first includes shock, while the second may generate a sense of relief.
What to Say to a Grieving Coworker
When a coworker returns to the office, acknowledging their presence can be an easy way to help them transition back to routine. You can simply say, "Welcome back" or "It's nice to see you." However, asking "How are you doing?" may trigger a complicated response, forcing them to decide between honesty and saying something they don't mean.
If you feel the need to say more and you truly want to help them during their difficult season, you can offer to do something specific for them at work or on your own time. Offering to make and deliver a sympathy meal makes sense if you enjoy cooking for other people. Letting them know you can take some pressure off their tasks at work could be helpful, too. But approach the subject carefully. Not everyone responds to generosity with an accepting attitude while grieving. Some may harbor bitterness at the idea that they need help. It depends on what stage of grief they're working through and their personality.
Early in the grieving process, some phrases will not be helpful. "Time heals all wounds" may be true, but someone deep in fresh pain could find the saying hollow. "I know how you feel" can be tricky, too. Letting them know you've had a similar situation is fine, but it's better to say, "I can't imagine how you're feeling." It shows that you'd like to be empathetic, but you're not making any assumptions about their emotions.
Grief and Work Performance
Grief brain is a real thing, and it can affect a person's ability to focus on work and communicate clearly. In most cases, it's temporary, and when you see a coworker suffering with it, patience and empathy are your best tools. Give them space, and if you feel comfortable with it, let them know it's okay to be honest with you about their needs. Offer to be there for a private conversation if they feel that talking will help, but don't be forceful about it. Meet them at their comfort level.
If your coworker expresses the desire for a type of support you can't personally provide, kindly let them know there are local and national organizations and resources available to help them. From apps, podcasts, and books on grieving to local groups and children's grief camps, assistance is out there for all types of needs.
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