How to Explain Death to a Child

"A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss… That's the trade-off, but I'll take it all." Brad Pitt

When we learn that a loved one or a family pet has a terminal diagnosis, we are graced with the ability to mentally prepare for the loss and the grief that comes with it. Often, the grief process starts as soon as we receive the news. As adults, preparing for loss can include helping to get affairs in order and planning a final goodbye. But often for children, the experience is much different, especially if this is the child's first loss. To help you through this situation, we've put together a list of tips for how to explain death to a child and prepare them for the loss of a pet or loved one.

How to Explain the Death of a Pet to a Child

A pet can be as much a member of the family as a human, especially if that pet has always been in the child's life. The loss of a furry companion can be devastating, and if you have the opportunity to prepare your child to say goodbye in advance, the blow may be easier for them to take. Here are some tips from the experts for talking about the expected death of a pet with your child:

• Explain the circumstances of the pet's illness. Depending on the child's age, this will take different forms. In a gentle yet clear way, tell them the pet is not well because its body is sick.
• Explain clearly to the child what death is. It's best not to use euphemisms and to be completely honest with your child. Saying the animal went to sleep or was taken by God can lead to confusion and resentment. Telling your child that death happens when the body stops working and doing it in a way that fits your family's worldview is a good start.
• Explain euthanasia to your child. While it's not a good idea to use the "going to sleep" euphemism because it can create sleep anxiety, it is important to let your child know that euthanasia is a humane way to let your pet pass without additional suffering.
• Listen and validate your child's emotions. The child's age will determine how they express their feelings. Under the age of two, your child will respond to the emotions of the older people around them. Between two and five, they will miss the pet's presence after it's gone, but they may not feel the loss as deeply as they would a family member. After age five, they may experience complex emotions, including guilt if they said anything against the pet before it passed. After age ten, they may feel any of the stages of grief that adults go through: denial, bargaining, anger, guilt, depression, and acceptance. At any age, the child's behavior may change as they process the loss in their own way.
• Seek professional counseling if needed. If your child experiences a prolonged behavior change or shows symptoms of depression, talk with your pediatrician and consider finding a counselor who specializes in helping children.

Experiencing the loss of a pet is difficult enough, but what if a terminal diagnosis happens to a family member or close friend?