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All Articles & Guides / Funerals & Celebration of Life / Tips for What to Bring to a Funeral

Tips for What to Bring to a Funeral

Most of us don’t attend funerals very often, and so we don’t always know what the proper funeral etiquette is. What you bring to a funeral really depends on your role in the service. If you’re part of the family, you may need to bring items like the registry book and a photo of the deceased. Those attending the funeral only need to bring themselves, since most gifts or donations are sent before or after the funeral to the family of the deceased.

Guests at funeral comofortine one another.

What Family Should Bring to a Funeral

Most of the time, family members bring keepsakes to honor a deceased loved one including items like photographs, guest books, funeral programs, and memorial cards.

Photos

Many families like to display a photograph of the deceased at the funeral. Often, family members will bring framed photographs or even albums for guests to see. You may want to have a favorite photograph made into a larger, poster-size image that can be placed on an easel at the funeral service. The funeral home should supply an easel if you don’t have one.

Funeral Guest Book

Family members will also want to make sure that they have at least one guest book or registry book for visitors to sign and a few pens. If you expect a relatively large number of guests, you may want to have a second book available to give guests the opportunity to write a brief message of condolence without worrying that they’ll use up too much space.

Funeral Programs

Many families choose to have a funeral program printed. This program may have a photograph of the deceased, includes the order of service, any expected actions or responses from the congregation, and information on the graveside service and reception, if they are being held.

Memorial Cards

You may also want to order memorial cards to give to guests before or after the service. These cards usually have a photo of the deceased, the years of their birth and death, and a poem, prayer, or other message. You can create custom memorial cards to honor the deceased and to share with those that are grieving.

Memroial cards.

What to Bring to a Funeral as a Guest

If you’re unsure of what to take to a funeral, the answer is quite simple: You really only need to bring yourself. In the days before and after the funeral, there are many other contributions that you can make, including giving money to help the family, making charitable donations, and sending flowers, but none of these actions should take place at the funeral itself.

The most important thing, when considering what to bring to a funeral, is to be respectful and kind. Dress formally and conservatively, in a dark suit and tie or a dress or blouse and skirt combination. Arrive early and put your cell phone on silent or turn it off. Don’t bring food or drinks into the service with you; if there is a potluck reception following, you may be able to leave your dish before attending the funeral, but don’t bring it with you to the service. Be prepared with brief words of condolence for the family and something to write in the funeral guest book.

Candle and white rose at ceremony.

Sending Sympathy Cards

Before the funeral, you should send a sympathy card to the family of the deceased. Add a brief note to the card, but there’s no need for a lengthy letter unless you were particularly close to the family or the deceased. You may want to include a short explanation of how you knew the deceased. If you’re at a loss on what to write in a sympathy card, read through some of our suggestions for kind messages and words to include.

Sympathy & Memorial Gifts

If you’re close to the family of the deceased, you can always consider creating a personalized memorial gift. There are a range of customizable gifts you can give like memorial ornaments, picture frames, plaques, or cremation jewelry.

Making Donations

If you know that the family is struggling financially after their loss, you may want to make a donation to help them through their difficult time. Ask the funeral home or a friend of the family if a special bank account has been set up to accept donations, or if a donation website has been set up. If there is nothing set up for donations, consider other ways that you may be able to help, such as running errands for the family or providing them with a meal.

Some families will request a charitable donation in the place of flowers, and you should always honor this request. Typically, the funeral notice will include this information, or the funeral home can provide it. When making the donation, let the charity know who it is in honor of so that they can tell the family. Many funeral homes also offer cards so you can notify the family of your gift. It’s best not to mention the amount of your donation.

White Handkerchief.

Sending Flowers

It’s common to send flowers to the family’s home or to the funeral home before a funeral, but they are not something that you should take to a funeral. Often, only the immediate family’s flowers will be placed on the coffin during the service, so don’t be too concerned if you don’t see your flowers displayed. While it’s usually acceptable to send flowers to the funeral home for a Catholic funeral, don’t send them directly to the church. Depending on the cultural background of the deceased, flowers may not be a traditional funeral practice.

Woman bringing flowers to funeral.

Give Thoughtfully

What do you bring to a funeral if you’d like to give a gift to the family of the deceased? Again, it’s best to save any type of gift for a different time, either before or after the service. Many families appreciate the gift of food, especially if they are hosting out of town visitors during the funeral. Make something that’s easy to freeze and reheat. You can also give the gift of your time – offer to run errands, babysit children, clean, or find other ways to relieve some of the everyday stress that the family is going through. You may want to give a small token or gift to children in the deceased’s family such as a book or quiet toy. Remember – these gifts are not something to take to a funeral. Give them when visiting the family to express your sympathy.

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