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All Articles & Guides / Grief / Dealing With Grief

Dealing With Grief

How to Handle Dealing With Grief

Traditionally, grief is associated with the loss of a loved one – a friend or family member, However, people can experience grief from any significant loss whether it be a pet, a miscarriage, divorce, or even a terminal diagnosis.

Man coping with grief.

Understanding the Grieving Process

It’s important to understand the grieving process so that we can feel and experience our sorrow fully as a way to move toward healing. There is no set timetable or specific steps for how to deal with grief that are right for every person, but knowing the common feelings and behaviors that many people experience can help us see that our reactions are normal – or to recognize when there is a problem that needs professional help.

People will often experience both emotional and physical reactions to coping with grief. When the grieving process starts to take over your life, however, you do need to seek professional help. Here are the common stages most people experience.

The Five Stages of Grief

The stages of grief were first popularized by author Elisabeth Kübler-Rossin her 1969 book, “On Death and Dying.” Not all the stages apply to everyone, and not everyone experiences them in the order below.

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

How Long Does Grief Last?

Grief comes in waves and stages and affects us all differently. Depending on our age, mental health, spiritual beliefs, relationships, and the type of loss we have experienced, our navigation through the stages of grief will differ.

There is no set time for how long grief lasts, and in some cases, it can live with us for a lifetime.  Typically, you can expect to experience grief anywhere from weeks to years.

The important thing to remember throughout your stages of grief is that you are not alone, whether you are mourning the death of a parent, a spouse, a child, a relative, or a friend.

Woman looking onto a body of water.

Common Symptoms of Grief

Everyone feels grief in some way, although we don’t all react to a loss in the same fashion. Some common feelings that people experience as part of the grieving process include the following:

  • Sorrow and sadness
  • A feeling of emptiness
  • Regret
  • Anger and frustration, at ourselves, the deceased, God, and others
  • Apathy and numbness
  • A feeling of unreality or disbelief
  • Helplessness and fear
  • Anxiety and nervousness
  • The desire to be alone
  • Relief

Along with these emotional reactions, many people have a physical response to grief.

You may feel some, or all, of the following physical symptoms of grief:

  • Fatigue and exhaustion
  • Insomnia
  • Headache and muscle pains
  • Stomachache and nausea
  • Restlessness
  • Difficulty breathing and chest pain
  • Confusion and the inability to concentrate
  • Increase in blood pressure
  • Weakened immune system
  • Eating disorders

A number of studies have been conducted on how grief affects the heart, in particular. Research indicates that people are at higher risk for a heart attack in the days following a loss, for example. In addition, the stress of grief can cause takotsubo cardiomyopathy or “broken heart syndrome” in which the left ventricle of the heart weakens. This condition mimics a heart attack, but it is treatable, and most patients recover over time. Some people sleep more than usual, while others face insomnia.

How to Deal with Grief

There is no tutorial for how to grieve, but research shows that coping with grief in a healthy way can lead to recovery. Here are some of the healthy habits to follow when coping with loss:

  • Let yourself feel your emotions without a time constraint, even if you think they aren’t appropriate. Take some time for yourself, and acknowledge if you feel guilt, regret, anger, relief, or any of the other feelings that you might think are not appropriate. While you might not want to express these reactions in front of others, let yourself feel them so that you can move past them.
  • Practice healthy habits. Try to eat mostly healthy foods, limit your alcohol intake, and get plenty of sleep. Take a walk outside to relax your mind and body. Continue or begin exercising.
  • Take some time out for yourself. You may want to pray, write down your feelings in a journal, read a favorite book that brings you comfort, or simply sit quietly with your thoughts. You need some time to put yourself first.
  • Return to a normal routine, once you feel like you are able to do so. Isolating yourself can make it harder to deal with your feelings and make it more difficult to accept that life goes on. Having the distraction of work, family, and “normal” life can help put your loss into perspective.
  • Seek out a counselor, support group, minister, or even a good friend and talk about your loss. Many people find that simply talking about how they are feeling helps with the grieving process and healing from their loss.

Remember that there is no set timetable for when you’re supposed to be “over it.” Grief takes as long as it takes. As long as you’re dealing with your loss in a healthy way and it’s not preventing you from dealing with everyday life, then don’t be too hard on yourself. You may experience sudden moments of grief months or even years later, especially when an anniversary or other event reminds you of your loss. Recognize your feelings, be kind to yourself, and give yourself some time to get back to your routine.

Distinguishing Grief from Depression

It’s impossible to measure grief. No two people grieve in exactly the same way, and the same person will grieve differently with each loss. Some people recover quickly, and some people never “get over” their grief.  At some point, though, some people can begin to feel like they are drowning in grief. Having trouble managing even the most basic daily tasks, and isolation, are common signs that grief has grown into depression.

Depression is a serious illness marked by troubling symptoms. While grief can continue for months, the acute pain of grief should subside over time. If it doesn’t, grief may have turned into depression. Only a qualified medical professional can diagnose depression, a medical evaluation may be in order if you see someone suffering intensely long after a tragic event.

Dealing With Grief and Loss - Life After Death

In the days and weeks immediately following the death of a loved one, you may feel somewhat numb. This is normal. The loss of someone you love -especially someone who was a central figure in your history, your daily life, and your hopes for the future—just may be the biggest shock of your life.

In the beginning, it’s important that you give yourself time and space to manage your grief. Recognize and accept that simple tasks that were once part of your routine may be just too much for you to face. You needn’t worry—although it may seem like you’ll never emerge from the sadness that surrounds you, you’ll soon find yourself ready to ease back into your life, a little at a time.

Nothing can make up for your loss or hasten your recovery from grief, but there are some practices that experts say will help you to cope.

  • Embrace your memories. You can no longer see your loved one, but you can preserve the memories that affirm the importance of this person in your life. Save pictures, letters . . . perhaps a favorite piece of clothing. Consider making a photo collage of the fun times you had together. These things will bring you comfort in the lonely times.
  • Let go of guilt. Accept your limitations, and save your energy for those things that must be done. If you need to cancel appointments, take some time off work, or beg off on social events, people will understand.
  • Share your feelings. Talking really does help. Don’t worry about repeating yourself–the more you are able to express your pain, the sooner it will heal. Friends want to help, and they’ll be happy to support you by listening.
  • Put off major decisions. Some people advise against making important decisions for at least one year after any major life-changing event. Waiting until your burden is lighter before deciding to sell or buy a home or change jobs, for example, will help to ensure that your choice is based on reason rather than emotion. If you can’t afford to delay your decision, discuss your concerns with a trusted friend, pastor or financial advisor. Rely on their wisdom to help you to make a sound choice for your future.
  • Use creative outlets to express yourself. Writing, painting and other artistic endeavors are excellent ways to release painful feelings and gain clarity and insight.
  • Take care of your health. Grief has physical as well as emotional impacts. Try to get plenty of rest, exercise regularly, and eat healthy foods to help your body heal. If motivation is an issue, remember that even small efforts on your part can improve your outlook. An occasional glass of wine may help to soothe your spirit, but be wary of using alcohol or medications to numb your pain. They may help for a short while, but ultimately, you must face your loss.
  • Reach out to relieve loneliness. Make plans to be with friends or family members on anniversaries and holidays. Begin to re-establish social connections by making a date with a friend for lunch or a movie. And when you’re ready, keep in mind that helping others through volunteer work can also help you feel good about yourself.
  • Be ready to enjoy life again. Bereaved individuals often describe grief as coming in waves—one moment finds you in the depths of despair, and the next you are riding a wave of hope. You don’t have to feel bad all the time. Seize the good days and make the most of them—you deserve to feel good again.

Part of that process of coping with grief and loss involves remembering and memorializing our loved ones, and there are many creative and beautiful ways to do so.

A simple, yet elegant way to remember our loved ones is through wearing memorial jewelry. Among the various products we have at Perfect Memorials, our memorial jewelry is often sought out in times of remembrance or grieving. Because most of our jewelry is capable of holding small amounts of ashes, our jewelry truly does hold a special meaning to those who wear them. Aside from our jewelry, Perfect Memorials also offers various types and sizes of urns, garden stones, plaques, and even wind chimes.

At Perfect Memorials, we truly understand how painful it is when you lose someone in your life. Over time, it will be easier to look back fondly at the memories you have of those who walked in your lives. For some, it may take some time to reach that point. The process of coping with grief is not an easy one, and that is why we hope to be a part of that healing process with the services and various products we offer.

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